From Blorbo's reference shelf

A textbook specimen.

Nobody was harmed in the inspection of this specimen. It is the answer set Blorbo files under The Meeting That Could Have Been An Email by the widest margin.

Inspect someone realSix questions. About a minute. No names.

Reference shelf · Case #7335

Subject
A textbook specimen. Nobody real.
Inspector
Blorbo, Chief Gift Inspector
Clearance
Public. It's a textbook.

Diagnosis

The Meeting That Could Have Been An Email

Threat level
Level 3: Let's Circle Back
Known weaknesses
invites with no agenda, "quick sync," the word "synergy" at 4:55 PM
Habitat
Conference Room B: no windows, one working marker
Dressed for the occasion: Tie.

Field notes

  1. Subject attended a one-hour meeting to schedule a second meeting. Blorbo was in it. Blorbo is still in it.
  2. Owns the good stapler. Has never been asked about it. Knows that you know.
  3. Their calendar is a solid wall of color. Blorbo looked for a gap with the magnifying glass. Nothing.

Textbook answers

Their group-chat role:
Meme Sender
They say "I'll wait" how often:
Weekly
Holiday of choice:
Any day off
At work they are:
The one with the good stapler
Thermostat stance:
Opens a window in December
A single Tupperware lid has no container. They:
Recycle it with ceremony

Verdict

Confirmed. This report could have been an email. Blorbo printed it anyway.

Blorbo, Chief Gift Inspector

Evidence locker

Exhibits A to C

The shop opens soon, so Blorbo pulled the right file and two ideas from his notebook. Nothing here is for sale yet.

  1. Exhibit AFunny Gifts for CoworkersThe Funny Gifts for Coworkers fileBlorbo is still stocking it.

    Why this file: The textbook says they have the good stapler. This whole file follows from that.

  2. Exhibit BCream T-shirt that reads "I Know Where The Good Stapler Is", with "I will not be taking questions" underneathI KnowWhereThe GoodStapler IsI WILL NOT BETAKING QUESTIONSConceptConcept. Not for sale. Blorbo is considering it.

    Why Blorbo drew it: They have the good stapler, again. Blorbo underlined it a second time and drew this.

  3. Exhibit CCream T-shirt that reads "White Elephant Survivor", with "I went home with a lamp" underneathWHITEELEPHANTSURVIVORI WENT HOMEWITH A LAMPConceptConcept. Not for sale. Blorbo is considering it.

    Why Blorbo drew it: Also because the textbook says they have the good stapler. Blorbo is not over it.

Inspect someone real Back to the specimens

Specimens live on Blorbo's reference shelf. Nobody on this page was inspected, harmed or asked about their thermostat.

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