From Blorbo's reference shelf

A textbook specimen.

Nobody was harmed in the inspection of this specimen. It is the answer set Blorbo files under The Voice-Note Offender by the widest margin.

Inspect someone realSix questions. About a minute. No names.

Reference shelf · Case #8327

Subject
A textbook specimen. Nobody real.
Inspector
Blorbo, Chief Gift Inspector
Clearance
Public. It's a textbook.

Diagnosis

The Voice-Note Offender

Threat level
Level 4: Part Two Is Coming
Known weaknesses
a text reply, 2x playback, being asked to "just type it"
Habitat
Walking somewhere, phone held flat like a slice of pizza
Dressed for the occasion: Disco Lens.

Field notes

  1. Subject sent Blorbo a seven-minute voice note. It was about a sandwich. Part two is coming.
  2. Starts every voice note with "okay so" and ends it somewhere else entirely.
  3. Has walked past a person in order to send them a voice note.

Textbook answers

Their group-chat role:
Voice-Note Offender
They say "I'll wait" how often:
Weekly
Holiday of choice:
Any day off
At work they are:
Retired from all of it, spiritually
Thermostat stance:
Opens a window in December
A single Tupperware lid has no container. They:
Blame the dishwasher

Verdict

Offender confirmed. Blorbo will reply by voice note. It is just breathing.

Blorbo, Chief Gift Inspector

Evidence locker

Exhibits A to C: what to get them

A real design from the shop, plus ideas from Blorbo's notebook while he restocks.

  1. Exhibit AOfficial Candy Inspector$24.99

    Why Blorbo picked it: The textbook says they send voice notes. Blorbo took that personally and came back with Exhibit A.

  2. Exhibit BMustard T-shirt that reads "Sorry For The Seven-Minute Voice Note", with "Part two is coming" underneathSorry For TheSeven-MinuteVoice NotePART TWO IS COMINGConceptConcept. Not for sale. Blorbo is considering it.

    Why Blorbo drew it: They send voice notes, again. Blorbo underlined it a second time and drew this.

  3. Exhibit CHeather grey T-shirt that reads "Friendsgiving Host", with "Nine chairs. Zero matching plates." underneathFRIENDSGIVINGHOSTNINE CHAIRS. ZEROMATCHING PLATES.ConceptConcept. Not for sale. Blorbo is considering it.

    Why Blorbo drew it: Filed because the textbook says they open windows in December. It's a notebook idea, not a shirt. Yet.

Further jurisdiction: The Oddly Specific Gifts file

Inspect someone real Back to the specimens

Specimens live on Blorbo's reference shelf. Nobody on this page was inspected, harmed or asked about their thermostat.

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