Reference shelf · Case #6950
- Subject
- A textbook specimen. Nobody real.
- Inspector
- Blorbo, Chief Gift Inspector
- Clearance
- Public. It's a textbook.
Diagnosis
The 12-Hour Shift Survivor
- Threat level
- Level 3: Running On Vending Machine Coffee
- Known weaknesses
- anyone saying "it's quiet tonight," cold coffee, "so you're basically a doctor?"
- Habitat
- The break room on hour eleven, holding a cup of something that used to be warm
Field notes
- Subject has eaten lunch standing up at 3 AM and called it dinner.
- Can fall asleep anywhere, at any time, in any light. Except when actually allowed to.
- Blorbo said the word "quiet." Subject looked at Blorbo for a very long time.
Textbook answers
- Their group-chat role:
- Meme Sender
- They say "I'll wait" how often:
- Weekly
- Holiday of choice:
- Any day off
- At work they are:
- On hour 12 of a 12-hour shift
- Thermostat stance:
- Opens a window in December
- A single Tupperware lid has no container. They:
- Recycle it with ceremony
Verdict
Survivor confirmed. Blorbo prescribes a nap. A long one. In the dark. He is not licensed to prescribe things.
Blorbo, Chief Gift Inspector