From Blorbo's reference shelf

A textbook specimen.

Nobody was harmed in the inspection of this specimen. It is the answer set Blorbo files under The Group-Chat Lurker by the widest margin.

Inspect someone realSix questions. About a minute. No names.

Reference shelf · Case #9130

Subject
A textbook specimen. Nobody real.
Inspector
Blorbo, Chief Gift Inspector
Clearance
Public. It's a textbook.

Diagnosis

The Group-Chat Lurker

Threat level
Level 2: Seen At 2:14 PM
Known weaknesses
being @mentioned, "thoughts?", voice notes longer than a minute
Habitat
Every muted conversation, all at once
Dressed for the occasion: Sunglasses.

Field notes

  1. Subject has read every message ever sent to them. Subject has replied to four.
  2. Communicates almost entirely through a single thumbs-up, delivered three days late.
  3. Blorbo sent them a message. It says Seen. Blorbo has been waiting since Tuesday.

Textbook answers

Their group-chat role:
Lurker
They say "I'll wait" how often:
Weekly
Holiday of choice:
Any day off
At work they are:
Retired from all of it, spiritually
Thermostat stance:
Fears it
A single Tupperware lid has no container. They:
Blame the dishwasher

Verdict

Lurker confirmed. Blorbo will not expect a reply. Blorbo is still hoping for one.

Blorbo, Chief Gift Inspector

Evidence locker

Exhibits A to C

The shop opens soon, so Blorbo pulled the right file and two ideas from his notebook. Nothing here is for sale yet.

  1. Exhibit AOddly Specific GiftsThe Oddly Specific Gifts fileBlorbo is still stocking it.

    Why this file: The textbook says they read everything and reply to nothing. This whole file follows from that.

  2. Exhibit BHeather grey T-shirt that reads "Professional Group Chat Lurker", with "Seen at 2:14 PM" underneathPROFESSIONALGROUP CHATLURKERSEEN AT 2:14 PMConceptConcept. Not for sale. Blorbo is considering it.

    Why Blorbo drew it: Also because the textbook says they read everything and reply to nothing. Blorbo is not over it.

  3. Exhibit CTeal T-shirt that reads "Still At The Kids' Table", with "Age 37. It's fine." underneathStill AtThe Kids'TableAGE 37. IT'S FINE.ConceptConcept. Not for sale. Blorbo is considering it.

    Why Blorbo drew it: The textbook says they've retired from all of it, spiritually. Blorbo wrote this in his notebook about it.

Inspect someone real Back to the specimens

Specimens live on Blorbo's reference shelf. Nobody on this page was inspected, harmed or asked about their thermostat.

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